


swim until you can't see land

by andthentheybow



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: (platonic) Relationship Study, Angst, Character Study, Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Philza Minecraft's A+ Parenting, c!sbi definitely counts as a dysfunctional family, maybe a little bit of comfort, no beta we die like philza stabbing his son
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:42:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29523129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andthentheybow/pseuds/andthentheybow
Summary: philza does not arrive until their greatest moment of need. call him an absent father, but he’s only there when they need him.right now, they need him.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & Phil Watson, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 16
Kudos: 74





	swim until you can't see land

**Author's Note:**

> don't be creepy about content creators, these are my interpretations of their personas, if they're uncomfortable this will be deleted, etc etc
> 
> this has been sitting in my drafts for forever and i kind of hate the ending but hey i felt like pain today

phil’s boys have always been strong. independent. they’ve never really needed him. maybe it’s because he trained them well. maybe it’s because they grew up under the watchful eyes of technoblade. but wilbur and tommy and tubbo have always been capable of handling themselves.

until they aren’t.

and when they aren’t- that’s when phil steps in. that’s when he arrives.

call him an absent father. he spends most of wilbur’s childhood adventuring, but he always takes the kid with him. he spends most of tommy and tubbo’s childhoods off on his own or with technoblade, wilbur watching the two younger ones. and techno is technically an old war buddy, technically not his son, but the age gap between them is distinct enough and phil’s fatherly instincts are loud enough that he treats techno as one of his own anyways. techno never complains.

techno and wilbur, who are the same age, teach each other, and then teach their brothers. techno seems so much older than wilbur, maybe because phil has done his best to protect his son, and he wasn’t able to be there to protect techno. but techno treats phil’s sons as his brothers, teaches them how to protect themselves so that phil doesn’t always have to be there for them, and phil couldn’t be more grateful for it.

eventually, the boys go off on their own. he hears that they all make it to dream’s world, and that’s something, hearing that they’re battling a god walking amongst men, but phil knows they can handle their own. that’s how he raised them, after all.

and then comes the moment that phil’s sons need him.

_ “kill me!” _

_ “you’re my son!” _

when wilbur needs phil, he is there. wilbur needs his father to kill him.

and he does.

(it takes two hits. those two hits are the two most difficult things he’s ever had to do.)

techno’s never needed him. techno’s always been fine on his own. but techno’s also just gotten banished from the nation his little brothers are the president and vice president of and probably feels pretty betrayed and he’s proud of techno, for sticking to his morals, so phil offers himself to his pseudo-kid as just another force to have at his back. techno needs it. so he’s there.

and when it comes to tommy-

“where were you?”

they are sitting in the woods. techno is out hunting. phil was going for a walk, and now he is putting bandages on tommy’s many wounds.

“where were you?” tommy repeats. “when we needed you, you weren’t here-”

“before now, you’ve never needed me.” he pulls the bandage tight and tommy hisses.

“we’ve  _ always _ needed you!”

“no, tommy. you’ve never needed me. you have always- always- been able to do this on your own. i came because i knew when my sons needed me. when wilbur would be ready to die and techno would be ready to leave and you would be ready to finally talk. i just came a little early for you, that’s all.”

“...what do you mean?”

“tommy. we can all see the tower from miles away. and i know you’re digging around under my house.”

“what are you saying, dad?”

tommy has not called him dad on its own in a long time. always phil or philza minecraft or dadza. never dad.

“come home, tommy,” he tells his youngest son. “techno and i will be glad to have you.”

it is later. they are sitting in techno’s basement. phil is changing the bandages on tommy’s many wounds. techno is moving around upstairs, his footsteps heavy.

“what did you mean?” tommy asks. “when you said you came too early for me?”

“you didn’t need me when i first arrived,” phil explains. “not like your brothers did. but you need me now.”

“wilbur needed you to kill him,” tommy says softly, repeating his words from earlier. “and techno needed you…”

“here,” phil confirms. “he needed me here.”

“i need you here,” tommy mutters, his gaze cast off to the side. something in phil’s heart would break, but he’s lost too many lives for a true statement from his youngest son to shatter him like that. instead, he’s filled with pride, because he knows how difficult it is for tommy to admit something like that.

“and i’m here now,” phil says, reaching out and putting a hand on tommy’s shoulder. it hurts when his son flinches back, and phil pulls his hand away. “and i’m not leaving again.”

and when he thinks of his sons, it’s like techno has taken tubbo’s place. because he adopted tubbo, sure, found the kid in a box outside his house with a letter from schlatt saying he couldn’t give tubbo a proper life. but tubbo’s never been his son, not really, and he means that from a place of love.

tubbo has never been his son because tubbo has always taken care of himself. tubbo saw wilbur and tommy as brothers while they were growing up, sure, but tubbo never really saw him as a father. maybe it was because he knew that his real parents were out there somewhere, maybe it was because he was a little smarter than wilbur and tommy, who had grown up sheltered by their father’s affection. maybe it was because he remembered schlatt and remembered what schlatt did to keep them both alive. but tubbo has never really been his son.

and when tubbo stares him down and places him on house arrest, phil realizes that maybe tubbo has never been his son because phil has never been his father. because here stands this  _ child _ that’s acting as president, a role that was given to him when he had no say in the matter, and his gaze is steely and he looks older than any kid phil’s ever met. here stands this child that was forced to exile his own brother, that’s been a pawn in wilbur’s game, schlatt’s game, dream’s game, and who is so, so sick of it, who just wants a brother, a father, and has never been given just that.

tubbo needed phil a long, long time ago. long before tommy did and techno did and wilbur did. tubbo needed phil, and phil is just now realizing he wasn’t there. and now tubbo doesn’t need him anymore.

and fundy-

oh god, fundy-

his grandson. he yells that fundy is fucking dead to him, half as a joke, because he doesn’t  _ know _ this kid. but he can see the hurt in fundy’s eyes and he can see the way that tubbo’s stance shifts, that tubbo fully and truly renounces him as a father, because fundy has always needed a parent and he has never had one.

and he can see the look in tubbo’s eyes that says  _ fine. you have your family. and i have mine. and it doesn’t include you anymore. _

and phil remembers how tubbo stood with eret and niki and fundy after l’manberg was destroyed, after wilbur pressed the button, and he remembers thinking that they were already more family to him than phil could ever be.

fine, then. tubbo has his family. phil has techno, and wilbur, and tommy.

tommy, who goes against them at the top of a hat. tommy, who screams at tubbo that the discs were worth more than he ever was, and then seconds later they’re brothers again. tommy, who techno screams about and throws things at the wall over and rages and rages and phil can’t calm him down. techno’s eyes glow red with anger and it would scare phil, almost, if he hadn’t seen the blood god in his natural habitat, out on the field.

he and techno are not present when tommy and tubbo defeat dream. but he knows how many people rise to their defense. he knows how horrible it must be, to have an entire army at your back, and to not see your father or your brother anywhere amongst them.

but phil is only there when his sons need him. and right now, tommy doesn’t need him. right now, tommy is perfectly capable of doing everything on his own. and right now techno does need him, because techno wants to conquer the world and phil would be damned if he wouldn’t be at techno’s side to do it.

and when he hears what tommy has done, he’s proud. he’s so fucking proud. and he makes eye contact with tommy from what feels like miles apart, and tommy turns away, and he knows that his youngest son doesn’t need him anymore.

  
  
  


and tommy-

tommy turns away from making eye contact with philza and thinks that he has  _ always _ needed his father. fuck everything about being a big man, sometimes he just wants his dad there with him. and he knows that phil sees techno as more of a son than he sees tubbo, and he knows that phil would always be there for wilbur before he was there for tommy, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

and tommy may need phil, but that doesn’t mean he wants him. because right now, things are okay. he’s beaten dream. he’s  _ won. _ he and tubbo are both still alive, and they have the discs, and that’s the only thing that matters. that’s the only thing that’s ever mattered.

  
  
  


and tubbo-

tubbo looks phil in the eyes and no words pass between them, but tubbo thinks that they don’t need words. phil knows that he failed tubbo as a parent, as a family member, so tubbo’s made his own family. he has eret and niki and fundy and quackity and that’s all he needs. he has tommy, too, tommy who still is phil’s family no matter what, but that doesn’t bother tubbo.

so yeah, wilbur’s never really been his brother. wilbur was always too busy with an entire country. and techno’s never really been his brother, any hope for that ended the moment techno executed him (two hits that he can never forget, that live in his memory right next to  _ the discs were worth more than you ever were _ ). it doesn’t matter. he has his family now. he’s never needed phil in order to feel complete.

  
  
  


and techno-

techno isn’t part of phil’s family, not biologically, not by adoption, but he’s as good as phil’s son and he knows it. families by choice are always more powerful than families by blood, and techno knows a lot about blood. phil takes care of him, and in turn he makes sure his pseudo-father knows he would conquer the entire world if phil asked it of him.

and he doesn’t need phil. he’s never needed phil. but he wants phil to be there for him, and he wants to be there for phil in return. techno takes in tommy for phil, techno helps wilbur for phil, he does it all for phil. and if he comes to see them as his younger brothers along the way- well, that’s just how it happens, isn’t it?

  
  
  


and wilbur-

wilbur has always needed phil. that’s just how it goes, father and son. wilbur wants to make phil proud. he wants to make phil happy. because phil has done so much for him, so what kind of son would he be if he didn’t do something in return?

and when he begs phil to kill him, it doesn’t hurt. he thought it would hurt. but all he feels is a sense of relief, that this is finally over, that he can be done with his symphony. and if his father helps him write his final melody, before he lets someone else be the composer, well- he’s always needed phil. he needs phil for this, too. (and phil’s sword strikes like the fall of the conductor’s hands and the final note rings out.)

  
  
  


and phil-

call him an absent father. he’s never been good at settling in one place long enough to properly take care of them. but phil loves his boys, even when they don’t need him. he’s proud of them. he’s cheering for them, even when he’s fighting against him.

call him an absent father, not taking part in l’manberg’s war. he is an absent father. he knows that his boys needed him a long time ago and he wasn’t there. he won’t fail them again.

he’s here now. he’s here now, with technoblade, and he’s fighting against tommy and tubbo, and wilbur is dead. wilbur was murdered. he murdered his son.

he murdered one son. he’s practically cast out another. he doesn’t even know how to feel about his youngest.

(he knows how to feel about them, about all of them. he loves them, with his whole heart, and he would give the one life he has in this world for them.)

  
  
  


and why is he still here, he thinks, when tommy and tubbo and wilbur don’t need him? and then he sees techno and remembers that even though techno is not related to him, he is still phil’s fourth son, and he needs phil here.

so phil stays.

and then he hears wilbur’s voice, they all hear wilbur’s voice, the real wilbur, and he knows that some day wilbur will be back, and wilbur will need him.

so phil stays.

and he knows that tommy and tubbo are both damaged, so fucking damaged, children who have been traumatized by war after war. and even though they think they don’t need phil, even if they are completely capable on their own, well- it’s always good to have a parent around.

so phil stays.

he stays. and he watches his boys grow, watches them move on to new things, and he vows, that even when they don’t need him, he’ll stay.

**Author's Note:**

> [ twitter](https://www.twitter.com/andthentheybow)
> 
> comments/kudos/etc are always appreciated!


End file.
